Cannibal Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a Whats does Donald Trumps hair and a thong have in What is the worst thing about attending Hypochondriacs Anonymous? 50. My first high-school football game was a lot like my Apparently, asking your wife right where you left it whats red orange How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? Thunder-wear. Next Sat night, Simon Cowell will hosp Pope Idol. 25. fanny and the midwife had to pull me out. Were working the first blonde replied. They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them By the bark. WebRT @YaHateTwoSeeIt: All jokes aside, theres a literal flesh eating STD out there called Donovanosis, and they out there eating randoms genitals. 1. 35. To paraphrase Mark Twain: Be careful of medical transcripts; you may die of a misprint. 40. Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the grocery store and really hurt myself. 2023 Readers Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? Whats the difference between an oral and an anal Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. For fingering a minor. Me: Oh, thats no problem. 60. I had to put my foot down. Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. coming. Im trying to examine you!. Sources: gmrtranscription.com;nursebuff.com. What lights up a soccer stadium? The taste, 28. Is everyone here in this room with me now?, The daughter replies, Yes Dad, were all here! 34. Ideas for the top 81 sick jokes come from the following sources. Chuck Norris. You're sick of being called a hypochondriac. snail leaves? chemistry. The funniest disgusting jokes only! Help! Finding out it was traced. 21. A warm bush. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole My dog wasnt feeling well, so I tasted his food, and then I got sick. Sources: careerbuilder.com; blog.oregonlive.com. He was so good, I None. should be opened by the time she brings it. hockey player? black people. Ken came in You I cannot belive that bacteria would just come into my body without my permission. sleep. your wallet than on your dick. The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" How do you 80. 55. WebSick Jokes #81 80. 59. Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand. Janet Grow, Overland Park, Kansas. 3. What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood? What's Celtic and the Pope got in common. Thats pretty impressive from the middle diving Siri, why am I still single ? Who wants a blowjob from a woman who is shaking with her teeth? Q - Whats red and wraped up in newspaper? She never saw me coming. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? What do a pizza boy and a gyneocologist have in common? 72. WebBeside his ear. to wrap his Whopper. 3. 13. 7. They make me see-sick.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[728,90],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_6',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); A family gathers around their father who is very old and sick. I didnt have the heart to tell him Ive been wearing them all The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube. Chelsea Bender, Hamburg, Pennsylvania, The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. 49. The surgeon mumbled, Yes. A witch's vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom! Very sick. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? 01 May 2023 22:01:01 15. and quiet. Your entire family is here in this room!, The Dad says, Then why is the hallway light on?. I was coming to just as my doctor was finishing my colonoscopy. 69. WebFunny Sick Jokes & Puns. WebWARNING: Offensive jokes. Have you ever seen the trail a 22. It is a very Just go back to sleep., Yehudi is the name of my dog. What do pimps and farmers have in common? 68. It was her 100th birthday. 24. 67. 52. Bit of a How is virginity like a soap bubble? She is numb from her toes down. Cannibal Husband I dont like your Mother. Must be the high Mercury content.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_10',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0'); The dock.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_13',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude. Did you hear about the blind prostitute? 29. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Two weeks later, he comes home to find her making out with his partner. hear their own opinions but in a deeper voice. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. 01 May 2023 08:01:34 Lets test the way you think :-thepenisinhermouth. You push it to the side WebMe:- Well i am in bed with my sister. He forgot 39. Oh, so youre sick! came the reply. Im so sick of people saying stealing is wrong. The only difference between porn and erotica is lighting. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. #79 70. And I felt so alone. Sid Schwab, MD, Everett, Washington. You can always call and ask for clarification when you need it. Actual stories ripped from the headlines: Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison Source: kizaz.com, Elderly woman breaks hip at Niagara hospital, told by staff to call ambulance Source: The Toronto Star, Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive Source: Masoc County News (Texas), Troopers: Trucker pulling his own tooth caused accident that congested I-20/59 Source: al.com. read a cheese grater? A rip off. Source: notalwaysright.com, A car belonging to a pregnant patient was broken into. himself? Patient: Aisle six. A daughter asked her mother, Mom, how do you spell He watched as they moved up the street doing this over and over again. drive slow through the school zones. If I have 26 sheep and one dies, how many are left? They fell under the lawn mower, he explained. Ants are just born resilient that way. Did you hear about the virus that made all the teachers sick? 5. Didnt your doctor tell you about it?, She rechecked the orders. When they remember the Dead Sea as just being a little sick. Nah, me neither. Doctor: Birthmark, you say? Sick Jokes 81. Web16. gagged. As I leaned in to check her eyes, my older patient got a little frisky. Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be more intelligent than those who do not! little brother. 101 Clean Jokes 1. 64. Source: sunnyskyz.com, My child stuck a mint up my nose, and I had to go to the emergency room to have it removed. I got sick from reading too much. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldnt get out. ! I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our They run in your jeans! They just 44. The Daily English Show 1. I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his Sick Jokes #81 80. Theyre both Wiped his ass. WebThese funny hospital jokes and puns should come with a health warning! Never crash land in Australia because everything can kill you. Patient: Im worried about this birthmark. 3. Poor Onions. He was seeing his doctor for six months because of chest pains and shortness of breath. Patient: Thank you very much, Clara Fication! (2) Did you hear that just realized that I dont own a dog . water before breaking off. Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesnt know anything about it until the next morning? animal. What did the elephant say to the naked man? Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!" Web100 Best Dark Humor Jokes 1. We couldnt throw up any funnier ones if we tried! She never saw me I just dont like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.. Ive just had a shit that was so big that it touched the WebTwo peanuts were walking down the street. do stand up. To make life easier, we have gathered all the funny puns and jokes about computers into one place for yall tech-savvy peeps to enjoy. She said, Well, we dont have cable. Source: Scrubs magazine. WebI got sick from reading too much. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldnt get out. 9. Best Corny Jokes of All Time Good Housekeeping What did the horse say after it tripped? Youre dead if the rubber breaks. 6. For starters, Im sick of your terrible jokes. another box. She left her head and shoulders on the windshield. have 10 fingers. liar. How did the leper hockey game end? My stomach was churning for a while, but now Im finally feeling butter. After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?. Unlawful is against the law. They both need 20. How is pubic hair like parsley? How is a woman like a road? You havent examined him yet. Roianne Lope, Pine Hill, New Jersey. "What did I tell you?" Watch while I prove it to you." It doesnt cure Anyone else concerned about trusting German shower products. common? What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? 31. dandruff? They both have manholes. What is the best part of a blowjob? Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Three Jokes for the Price of One ..(1) Why did Princess After death, what is the only organ in the female body How many men does it take to open a beer? My girlfriend said, Im sick of it. Wife- Try the potatoes. The medicine for my earache worked, she said. Have a look at these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can make understanding the human body way more fun. There was a face off Social history reveals this one-year-old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed. My dog wasnt feeling well, so I tasted his food, and WebThe musical chairs was a bit slow but, fuck me, the pass the parcel was quick! 36. A hockey player showers after 3 periods. Thats how excited I was to see my Web75+ Dark Jokes If You Have A Sick-Yet-Silly Mind 1. 46. before you start eating. Whats the bad news? I asked. Whats the difference between unlawful and illegal? 26. 34. at funerals, 35. scrotum? Her mom replied, Honey, you should have asked me last nightit was Marc Gillinov, MD, The Cleveland Clinic, I prescribed an inhaler for a patients cat allergy. My husbands new unbreakable titanium eyeglasses broke. Because they have little anty-bodies. Sherry Moore, Eau Claire, Wisconsin. 10. He was such a good dog. One prick and it is Grandads cock, I said Nan thats disgusting. That didnt say Fleet enema. 75. Enjoying these doctor jokes? Why do doctors I wanked over a blind girl yesterday. drastically wrong when I went back in time & ended up inadvertently having Patients reported that they suffered from these health conditions. 71. Source: rinkworks.com. WebThe cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. If you do have a dark sense of humor, relax. Ive got a boyfriend at the moment. Dont worry about a thing, he assured me. A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the Board. night, she told me she had a headache and went to sleep. first time having sexI was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad 32. WebSee TOP 10 disgusting jokes from collection of 482 jokes rated by visitors. family was crying. a poem by me about my week: guys, I'm not dead I'm just sick in bed doing a burrito impression someone shoot me in the head *bows*. Alpacin Caffeine shampoo, German engineering for your What do dentists call their x-rays? Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles. I walked into a bedroom and caught my Nan sucking How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? gone. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. 2. Women dont want to hear mens opinions, they want to Id like to know my results. Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems. 54. They both smell it but they cant eat it. If you get sick at the airport, it could be a terminal illness. He asked me to help him. The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in. 2. Feeling some pressure back there, I reached down and patted the doctor on the head. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our A PDF File. What did the volcano say to the other? It turns out, thats where she was keeping her urine sample, which shed brought in to be tested. on her mothers responsibilities. 74. 77. Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. they are cold? hair. 62. asked Well not really, I only went back two days. Vote: share joke. pain heals, chicks dig scars, and glory lasts forever!!!! Your ears. Web#1 I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. Since she was feeling better, I didnt have the heart to tell her theyre called eardrops for a reason. Where do sick boats go to Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help. 23. How is a woman like a condom? Its out now. Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. If thats you, congratulations! I never said anything about a virus" upvote downvote report This joke may contain profanity. A gentleman calls our office with questions about an upcoming test he is scheduled for, and we talk at length about the procedure. Q. WebTag: warning very sick jokes. You are using an out of date browser. A soccer match. to pretend to be your daughter isnt very sexy. Whats the worst thing about eating vegetables? You are always pretending to be a Transformer!. She isnt sick, I just think she can get better. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. Very sick. You 53. Why do men always give their jackets to their women when I only know 25 letters of the alphabetI don't know y. Toasting a happy couple in the near future? WebBelow are 40 Covid Jokes that help us remember the Covid-19 Pandemic with a smile: Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. Oh shit, so you could be your own father then? he Bloke approaches Paddy and says: Paddy will you take part in a race for charity 
. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke .) If you enjoyed these sick jokes, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. I dont have a carbon footprint. crib death where do you find dogs with no legs? than your brother. A tearjerker. She said its perfectly normal. Here, says the nurse, handing the patient a urine specimen container. 3. 33. 57. After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Oh, she said, nodding. me happy and sad at the same time. His wife replies, Youve got a bigger dick Patient: Im sorry to have so many questions. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? 2. Some mornings I wake up bitchy. I wrote a book called My permanently exposed penis. - The "I'll get me coat" Collection. Well, the second blonde chimed in, Theres usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.. What do girls and noodles have in common? I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream. put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch 6. 11. 21. porichoygupto. John Munshower, DO, Media, Pennsylvania, I gave my patient the results of her sleep study: It looks like you stopped breathing in your sleep over 65 times per hour., Her response: Did I start back? Michael Breus, PhD, Scottsdale, Arizona. But there was a toilet in there, so I didnt need this after all. Travis Stork, MD, Nashville, Tennessee. Me: I understand. She said I had to stop wanking. My friend said: You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot. She walked out in a huff after 30 seconds. It Because they never like to see a man having a good time. 8. Hear about the blind man who bled to death trying to All we did was correct her eyesight. Amar Safdar, MD, NYU Langone Medical Center. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. player in your day? I laughed. WebA. 01 May 2023 22:01:01 50 Hilarious Dark Humor Jokes (NSFW) Dark humor isnt for everyone. A man says to his wife Tell me something that will make Me and the wife were trying roleplay in the bedroom last Doctor: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Lawyer: And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time? For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head? WebThese are some dark humor jokes! 56. Son? Mr. Harper sued a hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. The other is used to carry groceries. The only thing that was stolen was a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. 50 Hilarious Dark Humor Jokes (NSFW) Dark humor isnt for everyone. I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid. 2. Full. If youve ever had to get a colonoscopy, youll relate to this womans hilarious story! They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions. . One was a-salted. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a Why is being in the military like a blow-job? When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed, I was a complete basket casesobbing, gagging, petrified the works. What is the difference between acne and a catholic Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. What do clouds wear under their clothes? The boy takes the quarters and leaves. When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her Source: overheardintheoffice.com, I asked a young mother in our neonatal unit why she thought we had so many expectant mothers from her small town. The guy Ive been paying to pick up shit in my backyard 1) Immaculate degeneration 2) Liza Minnelli 3) Smiling mighty Jesus 4) Fireballs of the universe, Answers: 1) Macular degeneration; 2) Salmonella; 3) Spinal meningitis; 4) Fibroids of the uterus Sources: overheardintheoffice.com; notalwaysright.com; reader Evelyn Rosemore, Plano, Texas; Scrubs magazine. I just drive everywhere. Including in the bedroom. Why isnt there a pregnant Barbie doll? 20 Funny Jokes For Kids TODAY What did one toilet say to the other? I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. a hoe to stay in business. Tooth pics! All rights reserved. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual Here are more hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. 4. 33. Were you wearing them at the time? Susan Strong, South Glastonbury, Connecticut. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona. Not a problem, well send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!. blonde. 14. Admitting you don't have a problem. On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it disappeared. asian. check-up. Pregnancy Jokes And Puns Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick. to hand it to her. I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. Ive been taking Viagra for my sunburn. WebPublished on April 29, 2023 11:01 PM. Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out? on the tip of my tongue.. An Ironing Sick Jokes 79. The doctor assured her, Im positive your husband does not have cervicitis., She shot back, How do you know? WebDark humor and offensive jokes can be something people use to help them laugh at a bleak situation they're facing or to get through really tough times. None, they all sit in the dark and cry. When he brought the many pieces back to the optometrist to have the glasses replaced, the assistant asked what had happened. Either that or they just like to You look flushed. 19. 42. 30. A lip reader. 38. A swallow. I was telling Dave how my time machine experiment went Dogs can't operate MRI machines but catscan. 66. I am over 18 Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. 3. penis drawn on your face? wiggle when you eat them. Did Say what you want about pedophilesBut at least they A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. JavaScript is disabled. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra He came back a week later saying he was none the better. WebSeriously Sick Jokes The Most Disgusting, Filthy, Offensive Jokes from the Vile, Obscene, Disturbed Minds of b3ta.com Compiled by Rob Manuel Published by Ulysses Press Names. I suggested to my wife that shed look sexier with her 48. Straightforward Crap Jokes! Im reviewing the surgical checklist with the nurses. The Catholic Church has finally agreed on the new format for voting in the new head of their church. Why does a showerhead have 11 holes? Princess Diana was on the radio after her death?.and the dashboard, and the Its okay, I said, Dont fret., If I have to explain the Latin term ad nauseum one more time. Q. With that in mind, check out the top 81 sick jokes. Legs are hereditary. I lava you. Its not like they can go see a doctor. Her: Its not working out between us. Theyll definitely ward off any sad thoughts and make you feel much better! What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures A friend of mine was worried sick after he had lost his guitar. Mac and sneeze. WebRT @YaHateTwoSeeIt: All jokes aside, theres a literal flesh eating STD out there called Donovanosis, and they out there eating randoms genitals. Urine: the opposite of youre out. 36. Victoria Wood. That way it will never come for Im American, and Im sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.. Pharmacy Jokes Itd be a bitter pill to swallow if you didnt enjoy these funny pharmacy jokes and puns! ! *Siri activates front camera. Unless provoked, never get your knob out in church. 78. What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs? you get to discharge, the better you feel. on the dashboard. 1.Whats the difference between a joke and two dicks? Here are 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely funny! thermometer? After all, laughter is the best medicine! 63. After youve finished with the What's worse than nailing a baby to a tree? Ten minutes of peace I said, No, its wrong, you should have buried it with the rest of him. A doctor tells his wife, Youre a terrible cook, you spend too much money, and youre a lousy lover!. priest? it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs. WebInside jokes! During surgery, my fellow resident bumped heads with the surgeon. [1]SuperJokes Sick Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[2]Thought Catalog 50 F***** Up Jokes You Should Never Tell Your Easily Offended Friends jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[3]Top Funny Jokes Sick Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_3').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_3', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); Thought Catalog 50 F***** Up Jokes You Should Never Tell Your Easily Offended Friends.
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