Thank you. Col. Robert E. Hogan: What kind of explosives have we got, Carter? Howard Caine. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's the problem. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. My men gave it to me. Hans Georg Schultz: [after failure to keep a straight face] I wasn't talking about you, Herr Commandant. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ahhh. Back to Stalag 13. What is this bungler doing here? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, Herr General, don't I always do a good job for you? It's even bigger than a breadbox! Witness? *I am responsible for security here! General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Your career is a delicate matter. That's why I came here in the first place! Col. Robert E. Hogan: Hi Schultz! In that case, I'd better check it myself. Cpl. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Major Hochstetter, you won't believe this. One of these wires disconnects the fuse, the other one fires the bomb. : Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: It was a great personal loss to me. KLINK Go get Colonel Hogan. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Mm-hmm, we think it'll, uh it'll go a lot easier for you, sir - you should be prepared. Mental fitness - that's another. Officer: But Herr General, I've not even greeted you yet! We had to lose him - he was bad luck. I mean, how do you roll a *head*? Andrew Carter: Hey Thank you! Although I do appreciate your sense of humor. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Sounds like a hotel room I once had in Cleveland. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [on telephone] What was that? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [boys are polishing Klink's car] These boys polish the car every time I come to see you. Hogan: [Hogan and Newkirk pose as German officers in a Nazi building] Take this man's name down, have him transferred to the Russian front! Col. Robert E. Hogan: Kinch, you go with Carter and help him set up his bomb factory in Tunnel Number 3. Anyone within a hundred yards of this rocket will be shot und reshot. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I wouldn't believe one word you said, Hogan. Colonel Klink: Those prisoners will be released over my dead body! : Actor: Judgment at Nuremberg. Col. Robert E. Hogan: They were going into town for a very good reason. Filming & Production What witness? Bob Crane starred as Colonel Robert E. Hogan, coor. Starring Bob Crane as Colonel Robert Hogan, the show was set in a German prisoner of war (POW) camp for Western Allied prisoners during World War II . Goering is a fat rat fink. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Birthday cake? Col. Robert E. Hogan Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, Herr General. Until I clear you, you will please stop inventing. I'm color-blind, you know. Col. Robert E. Hogan Col. Robert E. Hogan: I don't know anything about the underground or sabotage. Sgt. Sgt. All heads will roll! Tell me, is that jackass Klink still in command? Andrew Carter: Well, that's what Newkirk says it means. Col. Robert E. Hogan: And I suppose, uh, she put her arms around you? Lady Leslie Chitterly: Robert Robert Hogan! Mouth stuffed with cotton wool! [He gives Schultz a feather headdress], Sgt. "What happend to the Duke of York?" Col. Robert E. Hogan: Please - not while I'm plotting. Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You think I listen to what you say? Major Hochstetter : [repeated line, whenever Col. Hogans shows up] What is this man doing here? For the next two weeks it's death takes a holiday. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. You're lazy, you're fat, you sleep on duty. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Colonel Wilhelm Klink. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan, are you a spy? : Sgt. Colonel Klink: [trying to demoralize Hogan after air-raid] No damage was done and your bombers suffered severe losses at the hands of our illustrious Luftwaffe. Poor Putzie. Sensational. Official Sites General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: So you have told me and told me and told me! Cpl. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Klink thinks Burkhalter is there to make him marry his sister Gertrude] Well, you see, sir, this is very difficult for me to say, but, uh, I feel in my heart that I am not worthy of Gertrude. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Even if the wrong man comes along, you'd better grab him. Col. Wilhelm Klink Colonel Klink: Of course, you want me to handle it with my usual Klink efficiency, General. In the middle of World War II you give yourself a birthday party? Major Hochstetter a character not in the main cast was played by an American actor, as was French resistance leader Tiger. Hogan: [pointing at officer] This man is to be court martialed and *shot!*. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I think I have an idea on how to explain the noise. And I believe a full corporal. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Klink explaining the purchasing plan] I understand they're already beginning to call it the "Klink Plan". General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I consider it the perfect oversight. Sgt. We are determined to destroy this fool at any cost. It ran for 168 episodes from September 17, 1965, to April 4, 1971, on the CBS network. Colonel Klink: If the prisoners ask any questions about these explosions, you know nothing; you are ignorant. Harold J Stone and Howard Caine make the believable and entertaining. You're not arranging right now for Zagoskin to escape to Russia? Peter Newkirk: Andrew, the station master is a little old man. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, sir, I'm ignorant. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Burkhalter arrives] Ah, General Burkhalter it is so good to see you again. It's some kind of instructions fro Nimrod. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Are you crazy, Klink? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, how is it that you get so much more pleasure out of seeing me than I do out of seeing you? Peter Newkirk: What did you say, Schultz? You've made me homesick for Cleveland. Hans Georg Schultz: You said it, big boy. I will surround this camp with a ring of steel. Didn't I tell you I could break this code. Let me say, sir. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Look Metzler, why can't you understand? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [reading a list of invited people to the meeting] It doesn't have the name "Colonel Klink" in there. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Have all security precautions been strictly observed? Hans Georg Schultz: But don't let the commandant see the monkey. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: [walks in] KLINK! : Cpl. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Be quiet and listen to the music! Col. Robert E. Hogan: We'll give it back after we take it apart and make blueprints of it. Colonel Klink: The only orders that I am interested in are my own orders. Still, you're a likable clod. Col. Wilhelm Klink: My cooler is your cooler. What is going on there? Carter: Heck, I've seen groundhogs down there that were lost. Coming from the Gestapo, that sounds very funny. Klink is bucking for rat fink. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Personally? That's worthy of Himmler himself, major. Back! Col. Robert E. Hogan Back. Hans Georg Schultz: I got into the wrong conversation. *What is this man doing here?*. Louis LeBeau: What about me, Colonel? They got him. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I assure you I shall give the Gestapo my complete cooperation, Major Hochstetter. You're not gonna get anything out of me. Cpl. I didn't mean to hang up on you before but you really do have the wrong number. Hans Georg Schultz: [Very excitedly] It's Bee-yoo-ti-ful! It is, or should be, the title of a book that I'm hoping one of you out there will write someday. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Ha. Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: What do you think? I danced every dance with her, while Major Hochstetter was sitting there with sauerbraten on his face. I must explore the matter further alone. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [dismissive] He really knows how to hurt a guy. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Him I would let goldbrick. No, we don't got him. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: It must be the underground. The ultimate weapon didn't quite work out. Cpl. Col. Robert E. Hogan: If Carter's bombs don't do it, we may have to poison that bridge. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Klink, a German officer has been insulted. Andrew Carter: Schultz says I might get shot. I think the general's going to be ill - deathly ill. Newkirk, we have a job for the Mighty Hogan Art Players. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Look, I got the idea of stealing it, right? So handsome and so unlucky. Sgt. Beggars can't be choosers, you know. You are now Big Chief Running Bear Who Goes Swift And Sure To Beer Garden. Learning to erase his Southern accent, he went on to became a master of 32 foreign and American dialects. | The SS used the SA rank system, not the Wehrmacht one. Cpl. "Colonel Klink, when I received your invitation, for a moment I had forgotten who you were. Am I not clever? And I won't have to share credit with Major Hochstetter. : James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Could also mean heavy equipment. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ah, Major Hochstetter, always a pleasure to see your smiling face. Peter Newkirk: Now you see that wouldn't be cricket. Col. Robert E. Hogan: This little caper of yours better come off. Sgt. It always sounded like Schultz was just clearing his throat. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I did not mean you sir , you're not clever. Col. Robert E. Hogan: To buy something. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I've got a present for you from Carter. Hogan:"Last night I dreamt Schultz ate all the dynamites." LeBeau:"With him that's possible." Klink:"I can smell the sauerbraten. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is it at your camp, Klink? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Why not? Top Major Hochstetter Quotes Writing has power, but its power has no vector. Col. Wilhelm Klink: A-ha, those Staff Officers they are so clever. Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What about her looks? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Well, it's in code. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Well, you'd never make sergeant in OUR Air Force. Hans Georg Schultz: Well Colonel Hogan asked me if he could leave the camp tonight again to see the baroness. I will give you any information that I have. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's The Crittendon Plan? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I have never had any trouble resisting you. Louis LeBeau: You're wasting your time, Major Hochstetter. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Hochstetter's not such a bad guy, sir. Ja, I believe I have. A becomes E if followed by P. When preceded by U, then E becomes B and U becomes P and sometimes Y except afert C. However, what they've done here- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Just read the message. [Myra and Newkirk are being held in a German prison]. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's a terrible thing to do. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is this bungler doing here? Peter Newkirk: You don't mean our Klink. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And if you ever tell anyone, I will have you kept in this cooler for a year. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [after the death of Hercules] This plan better work. | Perhaps, someday, as a fallen hero, I shall be carried off to Valhalla across the saddle of a beautiful German war maiden, such as you my dear Helga. Keep your costs down, put your house in order, or the next time you want caviar, you won't have to import it - you can catch your own on the Volga. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You will be shot. Chocolate bars? That's what I would like to hear. What is going on there? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [after sending Maj. Hochstetters spy out of the office, making him believe they're gonna raid the prisoner's barracks Wednesday night] Tuesday night. I talk about you all the time, when you are not around. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're the same bunch of guys that put him in business. Kindly be just as clever and get these plans out of this one. Sgt. Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, that's the way I picture him. Parody Displacement: Hogan's Heroes is a parody of WWII POW films like Stalag 17, The Great Escape, and The Bridge on the River Kwai. : [no response] Achtung! Col. Wilhelm Klink: But, But this is classified, General. Back! General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: This is the message? Cpl. : We've got him. * What witness? Call the general, sir. Hogan, I Marya : You are ignorant! *You* be the judge what's *important*! General von Rauscher Oh, unforgettable. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter My dear Major, there is no danger of it firing Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Not a laugh in the book. Of course not. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: [catching Schultz asleep] On your feet Schultz! Col. Wilhelm Klink: I distinctly told you Wednesday, not Tuesday. Col. Wilhelm Klink: General Burkhalter, What an unexpected pleasure to see you again sir. Andrew Carter: [mockingly] Lot of work to do. Sgt. A child could do that. You can transfer to a frontline combat unit. He'll do for them what he's done for you. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I haven't asked you anything yet. : Col. Wilhelm Klink: [addressing the prisoners] And while I'm on leave Col. Kureger will be in charge of Stalag 13. You'd make somebody a good wife. [Schultz had been drinking wine all afternoon]. Col. Robert E. Hogan: They know its safe. | Back, back, all of you. Back to Stalag 13. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I feel the same way. Peter Newkirk: Yeah, but how are you fixed for film? [a German guard is fending off POW Newkirk from a restricted area]. [a milestone quotation for the series - Klink admits to Schultz and Hogan]. He is our witness. Sgt. I mean, the Klink here - you don't mean him. [Hands over papers with orders to Klink] Colonel Klink: Release Dates I'll call headquarters and have them send over a cryptologist. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You have no prisoners in there. Louis LeBeau: You're wasting your time, Major Hochstetter. A secret is sacred to me. Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Easy. His most memorable phrase he said throughout the series was "What is this man doing here? Col. Wilhelm Klink: I'm at your disposal, Captain. Sometimes The Great Impersonation The Pizza Parlor The 43rd, a Moving Story How to Cook a German Goose by Radar Psychic Kommandant The Prince from the Phone Company The Safecracker Suite I Look Better in Basic Black The Assassin Hans Georg Schultz: When I say 'Achtung' that means that you all are to SNAP to attention. So that's a command for attention, huh? Sgt. : Peter Newkirk: No, I use the letters to cover the holes in my underwear. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja, Kommandant Klink, a man who could have been great, except he wasn't very good. I shall do it right away. Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I do. : Hans Georg Schultz: That's right! After service in the Navy during WWII, Caine continued his studies at The School of . Col. Wilhelm Klink: No, sir. But, that's not the worst thing we did. Boy, that stuff is really unstable! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Do you consider this adequate punishment, Kom-man-dant? Col. Wilhelm Klink: What's there to know? Col. Wilhelm Klink: This time tell me the good news first. Pleasant, no. When the Allies march in the front gate, it'll go a lot easier for you if you're standing there with a bouquet of pansies. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: We must have a car waiting to take Baumann to the airfield. This was originally. My men gave it to me. You might as well have said Friday, for all I care. General der Infantrie Albert Burkhalter: No, this time I want it done right. Captain Karl Metzler: In return for *information*! Hans Georg Schultz: I could use a few letters myself. Schultz: Col. Hogan if you ever escape Schultz: Be a good fellow and take me with you. I have given it many hours of intelligent thought. [He puts it on and looks in a mirror], Col. Robert E. Hogan: He's also given you a new name, Schultz. He has? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. Sgt. General: But I don't want to leave the country. Hans Georg Schultz: Let me see. [Klink in a casual tone starts reading to himself the captain's orders paper], Colonel Klink: "All ranks are ordered to extend complete cooperation, assist without question. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Physical fitness is one thing. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, now that you mention it, so would I. Hans Georg Schultz: It's going to snow again. Himmler is a rat fink. For possibly the first time, Klink is entirely sure of himself]Major Hochstetter: Well, now, Klink, are you ready to hand him over to me?Colonel Klink: Major Hochstetter! It's going like clockwork. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [surprised and aghast] Hogan, you are the biggest liar I have ever met in my whole life! Schultz: You are going to be executed in the morning. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Colonel Hogan, just tell me this. Carter: [answers the phone in a mock-German accent] I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number. Who's "we"? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Berlin is calling every minute. It's in the neighborhood. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Carry on, but quietly, I have lots of work to do. You've already figured how to turn this to your advantage. Hogan: [about famous artists] It wasn't until after they were *dead* that they were famous. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, do not try to explain this incident to him. What better place to keep him. Louis LeBeau: I will personally hold them spellbound with my repertoire of songs, dances and snappy patters. Hogan: You see, sir, today is one of our national holidays - repeal of prohibition. I'm worried about spying. I saved you some cake. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [watching the women eat at the tea party ] Guests are certainly enjoying themselves, sir. Kissing prisoners is verboten! Are you expecting any warm clothing? Sgt. It's a long trip to this camp, you know. Hans Georg Schultz: Colonel Hogan, he said a terrible thing to you! [walks over to a portrait of Hitler] He dares call himself Supreme Commander. 'Achtung' is a command. Sgt. [repeated line] Major Hochstetter : Who is this man and what is he doing here! Just because we're prisoners doesn't mean we can't have our own prisoners. What is it? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Let's make him unhappy - nasty unhappy. Firing? Col. Wilhelm Klink: You know, Schultz, the trouble is you're afraid to say anything you think. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: As who is? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Col. Robert E. Hogan: If you stood any closer to them, your Iron Cross would get rusty. Well, it's obvious, Major. : General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Why don't you call headquarters and let them send over an expert. Andrew Carter: How true- that's true! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You give a birthday party for a prisoner? Col. Wilhelm Klink: That's another good one. Capt. Even if I say so myself, when I turn on the charm, I can be irresistible. Hans Georg Schultz: Could I think about that, Herr Commandant? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: The gestapo never arrests the wrong man. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor? He studied under Colonel Klink Bloopers [] Major Hochstetter says that Hammelburg (near Stalag 13) has been chosen because of its proximity to Dsseldorf, but his geography is way off -- Hammelburg is 250KM from Dsseldorf. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja, I believe I have. You've already figured how to turn this to your advantage. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. 1 May 2023. | But the Major has a plan to cripple the entire Russian rocket program. So you know I'm not crazy. Col. Wilhelm Klink: One of the radio detector units has picked up a wireless sending coded messages. Uh, did you come on military business, or is this a social call? Since when is he running this prison camp? General der Infantrie Albert Burkhalter: What would you rather have fall upon you, responsibility, or snowflakes? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR SECURITY HERE. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Unexpected, Yes. That way we will get the full impact on public opinion. Cpl. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Warm milk? Disgraceful. Andrew Carter: And a 'Good morning' to you, too, Schultz. I've doubled the tower guards, the searchlights. NOTHING IS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DUKE OF YORK! "Major Hochstetter is here to arrest you, Colonel Hogan." Was it Hogan's imagination, or did Klink sound sympathetic? Sgt. Who's worried about firing? Col. Robert E. Hogan: And if he asks any questions? Col. Robert E. Hogan: You, uh, put your arms around her? Can't finish wars they start. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Thirty days is an cruel and human unjustified punishment, to be inflicted only by a sadist. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: First suppose you tell me what you were doing there. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You can kiss the bride. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Go on, Hogan. Quotes.net. 9.61K subscribers Subscribe 64K views 2 years ago This is a compilation of all of the times Major Hochstetter ever said "Who is this man?" and "What is this man doing here". The idea of Klink being a British agent is ridiculous. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You have one simple alternative, Commandant. Look, if the Germans can have an American prisoner, why can't the Americans have a German prisoner. Col. Wilhelm Klink: That is exactly what I was going to say. That's a good one. Cpl. Colonel Klink: If those orders are not carried out, both you and the courier will be court-martialed, shot and sent to the Russian front! General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: If I do, I'm liable to shoot him myself. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What are you waiting for? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You're a good-looking girl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: How do you explain this, Klink? [Klink brags that he is in tip-top physical shape]. Schultz: [Klink is in prison awaiting a possible execution] I have some good news and bad news. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Speak up, Schultz. Technical Specs. No one in or out without my permission. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Just because we're enemies is no reason we can't be friends. [Hogan's men react angrily when he volunteers to help rebuild the Adolf Hitler Bridge in exchange for Klink's promise to reopen the recreation hall]. And I believe a full corporal. : Be honest! Col. Robert E. Hogan: [as German general] Oh, I don't know. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: During the days, the temperature is 140 degrees, and at night, it is below freezing. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Nimrod? : [in an argument with a captain about safehousing a truck and cargo]. HOCHSTETTER GETS THE DROP ON THE KILLER, IN MAJOR HOCHSTETTER, GESTAPO H ow's that for a provocative title? Hogan: [the phone rings while Hogan's men are cracking a safe] Answer the phone, tell him it's the wrong number. Quotes Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter : You will all stay away from that rocket. And a 'Good day' to you, too, Schultz. How I could have been so fooled by Klink. I want to know nothing. Like coming home to mother's cottage. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [looks in Newkirk's mouth] Aha! Company Credits [puts her arms around him, kisses him], Lady Leslie Chitterly: Come, Robert. Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Of course not! This whole thing doesn't makes sense. Cpl. Major Byron Buckles: If I'm going to die, at least let it be in a close-up. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: That is where he was truly brilliant. I will crack this in not time at all. You can't take it home, sir. I must remember to mention it to my dear Uncle Karl when I write him. Col. Wilhelm Klink: All potato rations are cut in half for ten days. Of course. Do you allow this sort of thing? Colonel Klink: I'm afraid I cannot accommodate you, Captain. Curiously enough, Hochstetter couldn't have been a Major in the SS, simply because that rank didn't exist there. Not sufficient entertainment, perhaps. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Traitors, all of them. Filled with fear, frightened to express any kind of opinion. Col. Wilhelm Klink: That is exactly what I was going to say, General. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: It is about his defense counsel. And I believe a full corporal. Col. Robert E. Hogan: They *shot* Holtz trying to escape- you're next! Cpl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter You know nothing! What good is a rusty monocle? General von Rauscher: Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor?
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